’Don’t move! You’re surrounded by armed bastards!’ Viewers of “Life on Mars” could be forgiven for thinking that the police force of the 1970s lived by the maxim ‘The rules are: there are no rules’, yet it turns out that this was not the case. A fascinating historical document has now emerged which shows that there were indeed rules and in 1973 they were recorded on paper by none other than DCI Gene Hunt himself. Divided into ten sections, “The Rules of Modern Policing – 1973 Edition” covers everything from interrogating suspects and undercover operations to driving and dress code. Several of the rules are illustrated with diagrams, and photographs of DCI Hunt himself illustrating the more physical parts of the job: how to hit suspects so you don’t leave a mark; how to signal the importance of your arrival by crashing into inanimate objects (cardboard boxes are a perfect example here – lots of noise; no damage to your motor); how to roll over the bonnet of your cortina without making a dick of yourself. Completing the book is an invaluable glossary of police terms, covering everything from blag to lag, and nonce to ponce. An essential reference work for fans of “Life of Mars”, “The Rules of Modern Policing” offers a unique insight to seventies’ law enforcement that will make you laugh until you cry like the wet little turd you are.
Burton Silver - Jeremy Bennett - The Naughty Victorian Hand-Book
"As a Doctor it has been my pleasure to demonstrate the workings of this fine book to more than a few patients, and I can assure you that even when a severe prudery was evident, I have never experienced a failure. The appropriate fervours have always been quickly aroused and harmlessy released through laughter. " DR CORNELIUS OGLE
Rich Werner - The Art of Plants vs. Zombies
Get the story of the mulchifying super hit _Plants vs. Zombies_ from the _zombies'_ point of view. Part zombie memoir, part celebration of zombie triumphs, and part antiplant screed, this treasure trove of never-before-seen concept art covers _Plants vs. Zombies_, _Plants vs. Zombies 2_, _Plants vs. Zombies Adventures_, _Plants vs. Zombies: Garden Warfare_, and more! • Part art book—part zombie memoir! • Eighty-eight pages of "behind-the-leaves" material! • The original _Plants vs. Zombies_ game has been installed over 100 million times and has 16 million active users!
P. G. Wodehouse - Joy in the Morning
This book is a Jeeves and Wooster novel. Trapped in rural Steeple Bumpleigh, a man less stalwart than Bertie Wooster would probably give way at the knees. For among those present were Florence Craye, to whom Bertie had once been engaged and her new fiance 'Stilton' Cheesewright, who sees Bertie as a snake in the grass. And that biggest blot on the landscape, Edwin the Boy Scout, who is busy doing acts of kindness out of sheer malevolence. All Bertie's forebodings are fully justified. For in his efforts to oil the wheels of commerce, promote the course of true love and avoid the consequences of a vendetta, he becomes the prey of all and sundry. In fact only Jeeves can save him.
Gerald Durrell - My Family and Other Animals
When the unconventional Durrell family can no longer endure the damp, gray English climate, they do what any sensible family would do: sell their house and relocate to the sunny Greek isle of Corfu. My Family and Other Animals was intended to embrace the natural history of the island but ended up as a delightful account of Durrell's family's experiences, from the many eccentric hangers-on to the ceaseless procession of puppies, toads, scorpions, geckoes, ladybugs, glowworms, octopuses, bats, and butterflies into their home.
Graham Edmonds - Bullshit Bingo
Bullshit is all around us, everywhere we go: but nowhere like the office, or, as the company bullshitter would say, 'working environment'. Now bullshit detectors have scoured offices from around the world for the best words and phrases so that readers can identify bullshit in their own working environment and put it to use by playing Bullshit Bingo. With special sections for types of activities like conferences or advertising and for departments such as Finance and HR, the book includes a glossary of over 500 bullshit words and phrases.
Philippa Gregory - Perfectly Correct
Feminist, Dr Louise Case lives a liberated, non-traditional life. But when Rose, parks her van in Louise's orchard and announces she's staying for a while, Louise's principles and morals are thrown into turmoil as she ponders what she should do.
David Walliams - The Boy in the Dress
The sparkling debut children's novel from David Walliams, co-creator and co-star of the multi-award-winning Little Britain. Dennis was different. Why was he different, you ask? Well, a small clue might be in the title of this book! Charming, surprising and hilarious -- The Boy in the Dress is everything you would expect from the co-creator of Little Britain. David Walliams's beautiful first novel will touch the hearts (and funny bones) of children and adults alike.
David Roberts - Dirty Bertie
Bertie's personal hygiene leaves a lot to be desired. He eats candy off the floor. He picks his nose. He gives the dog a furry lick hello. "No, Bertie! That's dirty, Bertie!" says his disgusted yet caring family. Will Bertie ever stop being so gross? In the spirit of David Shannon's Caldecott Honor book No, David!, Dirty Bertie teaches without preaching. David Roberts's hilarious illustrations and wacky-yet-wise story will have young readers laughing out loud--and promising never to be "dirty Bertie" again!
Janet Evanovich - High Five
High fives all around! The New York Times bestselling author of FOUR TO SCORE puts Stephanie Plum, America's favorite bounty hunter, back behind the wheel in her fifth high-octane thriller. What's Stephanie up to now? * Her Uncle Fred has disappeared. * A body turns up in a garbage bag. * She's got a nasty bookie following her around town. * Grandma Mazur has her hands on the stun gun. * Stephanie can't keep a car for more than forty-eight hours. * Two men are trying to get her into bed. * She has nothing to wear to the Mafia wedding. * And there's an angry little man (don't call him a dwarf!) who won't leave her apartment. Bail jumping in Trenton is down to small potatoes. Stephanie's only open case is a small bond for a small violation, committed by a small person who raises Stephanie's frustration level in big ways. So short of money and long on bills, Stephanie comes up with a plan --diversify! Signing on as an intern with entrepreneurial Super Bounty Hunter Ranger, Stephanie ventures into Ranger's mostly morally correct and marginally legal operations. None of this makes vice cop Joe Morelli a happy man. The cop in him can't help but wonder as to the source of Stephanie's expensive new cars. And the rest of him, the man who's been friend and lover to Stephanie, can't help but wonder if there's more to the partnership than meets the eye. The internship is downgraded to second priority when Uncle Fred goes missing. Even though Grandma Mazur is sure he was abducted by aliens, Stephanie sets out to look for Fred. He's a perfectly average senior citizen, and he's disappeared without a trace while running errands. He's left his ten-year-old Pontiac station wagon locked up nice and neat in the Grand Union parking lot, the cleaning is carefully arranged on the back seat, and his wife is at home, waiting for him to return with the bread and the milk and the olive loaf bologna. Locked in the top drawer of his desk are photos of a body, dismembered and stuffed into a garbage bag. And locked away in the computer files of a another average citizen are the clues that will lead Stephanie to Fred. Criminally original and stone brilliant, this Intermediate Bounty Hunting Survival Manual is blockbuster entertainment.
Sue Townsend - Adrian Mole - The Prostrate Years
Adrian Mole is 39 and a quarter. Unable to afford the mortgage on his riverside apartment, he has been forced to move into a semi-detached converted pigsty next door to his parents, George and Pauline. His ravishing wife Daisy loathes the countryside, longs for Dean Street and has yet to buy a pair of Wellingtons; they are both aware the passion has gone out of their marriage, but neither knows how to reignite the flame. To cap it all off, Adrian is leaving his bed numerous times a night to go to the lavatory and has other alarming symptoms, leading him to suspect prostate trouble. Meanwhile, his mother thinks that an appearance on the Jeremy Kyle show might solve the mystery of her daughter’s paternity once and for all. And when George is asked to provide a DNA sample, will the shock kill him? He is already disabled, though still chain smoking and has had an ashtray welded onto the arm of his wheelchair. As Adrian’s worries multiply, a phone call to his old flame Dr Pandora Braithwaite, BA, MA, PhD, MP and Junior Minister in the Foreign Office, ignites memories of a shared passion and makes him wonder – is she the only one who can save him now?
Woody Allen - Complete Prose
Comprising the classic bestsellers Getting Even, Without Feathers, and Side Effects, this definitive collection of comic writings is from a man who needs no Introduction. Really - this book has no Introduction. The Insanity Defense reveals many sides of Woody Allen as he holds forth on the most human of urges (“Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only for food: frequently there must be a beverage”); reflects on death (“I don't believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear”); and notes the effect on history wrought by trick chewing gum, the dribble glass, and other novelties. There is also an inspiring story of the futile race to beat Dr. Heimlich to the punch: “The food went down the wrong pipe, and choking occurred. Grasping the mouse firmly by the tail, I snapped it like a small whip, and the morsel of cheese came loose. If we can transfer the procedure to humans, we may have something. Too early to tell.”
Jonathan Stroud - The Amulet of Samarkand
When the 5,000-year-old djinni Bartimaeus is summoned by Nathaniel, a young magician's apprentice, he expects to have to do nothing more taxing than a little levitation or a few simple illusions. But Nathaniel is a precocious talent and has something rather more dangerous in mind: revenge. Against his will, Bartimaeus is packed off to steal the powerful Amulet of Samarkand from Simon Lovelace, a master magician of unrivalled ruthlessness and ambition. Before long, both djinni and apprentice are caught up in a terrifying flood of magical intrigue, murder and rebellion. Set in a modern-day London controlled by magicians, this hilarious, electrifying thriller will enthral readers of all ages.
Jane Austen - Seth Grahame-Smith - Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
"It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains." So begins Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, an expanded edition of the beloved Jane Austen novel featuring all-new scenes of bone-crunching zombie mayhem. As our story opens, a mysterious plague has fallen upon the quiet English village of Meryton—and the dead are returning to life! Feisty heroine Elizabeth Bennet is determined to wipe out the zombie menace, but she's soon distracted by the arrival of the haughty and arrogant Mr. Darcy. What ensues is a delightful comedy of manners with plenty of civilized sparring between the two young lovers—and even more violent sparring on the blood-soaked battlefield as Elizabeth wages war against hordes of flesh-eating undead. Can she vanquish the spawn of Satan? And overcome the social prejudices of the class-conscious landed gentry? Complete with romance, heartbreak, swordfights, cannibalism, and thousands of rotting corpses, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies transforms a masterpiece of world literature into something you'd actually want to read.
Terry Pratchett - Snuff
According to the writer of the best-selling crime novel ever to have been published in the city of Ankh-Morpork, it is a truth universally acknowledged that a policeman taking a holiday would barely have had time to open his suitcase before he finds his first corpse. And Commander Sam Vimes of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch is on holiday in the pleasant and innocent countryside, but not for him a mere body in the wardrobe. There are many, many bodies and an ancient crime more terrible than murder. He is out of his jurisdiction, out of his depth, out of bacon sandwiches, and occasionally snookered and out of his mind, but never out of guile. Where there is a crime there must be a finding, there must be a chase and there must be a punishment. They say that in the end all sins are forgiven. But not quite all..
Kristan Higgins - All I Ever Wanted
One Happily-Ever-After Rocking Chair... and no sign of any forthcoming babies to rock in ol' Georgebury, Vermont. For Callie Grey, turning thirty means coming to grips with the fact that her boss (and five-week fling) is way overdue in his marriage proposal. And way off track because Mark has suddenly announced his engagement to the company's new Miss Perfect. If that isn't bad enough, her mom decides to throw her a three-oh birthday bash in the family funeral home. Bad goes to worse when she stirs up a crazy relationship with the town's not so warm and fuzzy veterinarian, Ian McFarland, in order to flag Mark's attention. So Ian is more comfortable with animals.... So he's formal, orderly and just a bit tense. The ever-friendly, fun-loving and spontaneous Callie decides it's time for Ian to get a personality makeover. But dang, if he doesn't shock the heck out of her, she might actually fall for Vermont's unlikeliest eligible bachelor....
Jonathan Swift - Gulliver's Travels (Oxford Bookworms)
Egyszerűsített olvasmány angol nyelven. Hasznos segítség a nyelvtanulásban. A kötet 4. nehézségi fokozatú, az olvasásához kb. 1400 szavas szókincs szükséges. "Oxford Bookworms Stage 4" "Soon I felt something alive moving along my leg and up my body to my face, and when I looked down, I saw a very small human being, only fifteen centimetres tall... I was so surprised that I gave a great shout." But that is only the first of many surprises which Gulliver has on his travels. He visits a land of giants and a flying island, meets ghosts from the past and horses which talk...
Arabella Weir - Stupid Cupid
Laugh-out-loud funny and achingly true to life, this is a book about that universally familiar phenomenon - when you lose something, you want it more than you ever did when you had it. This book is about obsession. It's about not being able to see the wood for the trees. Specifically, it's about Hat Grant, a gardener, who gets dumped by her fiance Jimmy Mack, four weeks before their wedding. She resolves to keep going with the wedding plans regardless - telling no one, except her three best friends, Gerry, Mish and Priscilla, the truth. Meanwhile she moves heaven and earth to get Jimmy back. Hat is determined to have her day if it's the last thing she does.
Mark Twain - Taming the Bicycle
American life comes under the scrutiny of Mark Twain's wit in this delightful collection of short stories. Here, he comments on politics, education, the media, religion, and literature. The true subject of Twain's satire and burlesque is that strangest of all animals, the human being. In his novels, travel narratives, stories, essays, and sketches, Twain exposes such a variety of human foibles that one is left either laughing at the folly of human enterprise, blushing with shame at human behavior, or cursing the gods that would create such a silly animal. Twain does all three, often at the same time.
Gina Damico - Croak
Fed up with her wild behavior, sixteen-year-old Lex's parents ship her off to upstate New York to live with her Uncle Mort for the summer, hoping that a few months of dirty farm work will whip her back into shape. But Uncle Mort’s true occupation is much dirtier than that of shoveling manure. He’s a Grim Reaper. And he’s going to teach Lex the family business.
Jennifer Weiner - Certain Girls
Readers fell in love with Cannie Shapiro, the smart, sharp-tongued, bighearted heroine of Good in Bed who found her happy ending after her mother came out of the closet, her father fell out of her life, and her ex-boyfriend started chronicling their ex-sex life in the pages of a national magazine. Now Cannie's back. After her debut novel - a fictionalized (and highly sexualized) version of her life - became an overnight bestseller, she dropped out of the public eye and turned to writing science fiction under a pseudonym. She's happily married to the tall, charming diet doctor Peter Krushelevansky and has settled into a life that she finds wonderfully predictable - knitting in the front row of her daughter Joy's drama rehearsals, volunteering at the library, and taking over-forty yoga classes with her best friend Samantha. As preparations for Joy's bat mitzvah begin, everything seems right in Cannie's world. Then Joy discovers the novel Cannie wrote years before and suddenly finds herself faced with what she thinks is the truth about her own conception - the story her mother hid from her all her life. When Peter surprises his wife by saying he wants to have a baby, the family is forced to reconsider its history, its future, and what it means to be truly happy. Radiantly funny and disarmingly tender, with Weiner's whip-smart dialogue and sharp observations of modern life, Certain Girls is an unforgettable story about love, loss, and the enduring bonds of family.