About three things I was absolutely certain. First, Edwart was most likely my soul mate, maybe. Second, there was a vampire part of him-which I assumed was wildly out of his control-that wanted me dead. And third, I unconditionally, irrevocably, impenetrably, heterogeneously, gynecologically, and disreputably wished he had kissed me.
And thus Belle Goose falls in love with the mysterious and sparkly Edwart Mullen in the Harvard Lampoon’s hilarious send-up of Twilight.
Pale and klutzy, Belle arrives in Switchblade, Oregon looking for adventure, or at least an undead classmate. She soon discovers Edwart, a super-hot computer nerd with zero interest in girls. After witnessing a number of strange events-Edwart leaves his tater tots untouched at lunch! Edwart saves her from a flying snowball!-Belle has a dramatic revelation: Edwart is a vampire. But how can she convince Edwart to bite her and transform her into his eternal bride, especially when he seems to find girls so repulsive?
Complete with romance, danger, insufficient parental guardianship, creepy stalker-like behavior, and a vampire prom, Nightlight is the uproarious tale of a vampire-obsessed girl, looking for love in all the wrong places.
Terry Pratchett - The Colour of Magic
On a world supported on the back of a giant turtle (sex unknown), a gleeful, explosive, wickedly eccentric expedition sets out. There's an avaricious but inept wizard, a naive tourist whose luggage moves on hundreds of dear little legs, dragons who only exist if you believe in them, and of course THE EDGE of the planet... "An ideal introduction to the worlds of science fiction, fantasy and humourous writing for reluctant and avid readers alike." _Booktrusted News_
Terry Pratchett - Small Gods
Terry Pratchett tackles a tough topic in the 13th satiric fantasy in the Discworld series: religious extremism. The land of Omnia is a repressive theocracy ruled by priests and inquisitors, who believe more in their own power than in the Great God Om. This is a somewhat difficult situation for Om, because his power is dependent on the faith of his worshippers. Only one person, the simple novice Brutha, truly believes in Om and is capable of hearing the voice of the god, who, incidentally, is currently trapped within the body of a small tortoise.
Stefan Petrucha - Maia Kinney-Petrucha - John L. Lansdale - Diary of a Stinky Dead Kid
The Ghoulunatics – The Vault-Keeper, the Old Witch, and everyone’s favorite, The Crypt-Keeper are back to offer their twisted takes on “Diary of a Wimpy Kid,” the “Twilight”series, and Guitar Hero! The cover-featured Stinky Dead Kid stars in two tales - - one that explains exactly how he became a Stinky Dead Kid, and another in which he battles “Guitar Demon,” a popular musical toy that’s become possessed by an evil entity. There’s also the trenchant tale of teen love involving a girl and a vampire, “Dielite,” and the riotous return of the ever-doomed Thomas Donnelly in his most bizarre tale yet!
Jonathan Swift - Gulliver's Travels
Considered the greatest satire ever written in English, Jonathan Swift’s Gulliver’s Travels chronicles the fantastic voyages of Lemuel Gulliver, principally to four marvelous realms: Lilliput, where the people are six inches tall; Brobdingnag, a land inhabited by giants; Laputa, a wondrous flying island; and a country where the Houyhnhnms, a race of intelligent horses, are served by savage humanoid creatures called Yahoos. Beneath the surface of this enchanting fantasy lurks a devastating critique of human malevolence, stupidity, greed, vanity, and short-sightedness. A brilliant combination of adventure, humor, and philosophy, Gulliver’s Travels is one of literature’s most durable masterpieces.
Ian Doescher - William Shakespeare's The Jedi Doth Return
Hot on the heels of the _New York Times_ best seller _William Shakespeare’s Star Wars_ comes the next two installments of the original trilogy: _William Shakespeare’s The Empire Striketh Back_ and _William Shakespeare’s The Jed Doth Return_. Return to the star-crossed galaxy far, far away as the brooding young hero, a power-mad emperor, and their jesting droids match wits, struggle for power, and soliloquize in elegant and impeccable iambic pentameter. Illustrated with beautiful black-and-white Elizabethan-style artwork, these two plays offer essential reading for all ages. Something Wookiee this way comes!
M. C. Beaton - Death of a Gossip
When society widow and gossip columnist Lady Jane Winters joined the fishing class, she wasted no time in ruffling the feathers-or was it the fins-of those around her. Among the victims of her sharp tongue and unladylike manner was Lochdubh Constable Hamish Macbeth. Yet not even Hamish thought someone would permanently silence Lady Jane's shrills-until her strangled body is fished out of the river. Now with the help of the lovely Priscilla Halburton-Smythe, Hamish must angle through the choppy waters of the tattler's life to find the murderer. But with a school of suspects who aren't ready to talk and dead women telling no tales, Hamish may be in over his head, for he knows that secrets are dangerous, knowledge is power, and killers usually do strike again. Jane Winters--Lady Jane--was a noted gossip columnist enrolled in the Lachdubh School of Casting (fish casting, that is). She had something on everyone in class--and so, bobby Hamish Macbeth figured, any one of them could have killed her. Martin's.
C. T. Grey - Fifty Sheds of Grey
_ ___“She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently, then harder until finally it came. I moaned with pleasure. Now for the other boot ...” _ Colin Grey’s life was happy and simple, until the day everything changed—the day his wife read _that_ book. Suddenly, he was thrust headfirst into a dark, illicit world of pleasure and pain. This is what happens when a tide of tempestuous, erotic desire invades man’s last place of privacy: his backyard shed. WARNING: Fifty Sheds of Grey contains fifty graphic shed-based images. Please do not look if you are easily offended.
William Goldman - The Princess Bride
Beautiful, flaxen-haired Buttercup has fallen for Westley, the farm boy, and when he departs to make his fortune, she vows never to love another. So, when she hears that his ship has been captured by the Dread Pirate Roberts (no survivors) her heart is broken. But her charms draw the attention of the relentless Prince Humperdinck who wants a wife and will go to any lengths to have Buttercup. So starts a fairy tale like no other, of fencing, poison, true love, hate, revenge, giants, bad men, good men, beautifulest ladies, snakes, spiders, beasts, chases, escapes, lies, truths, passion and miracles.
Terry Pratchett - The Color of Magic
The beginning of the hilarious and irreverent series that has more than 80 million copies worldwide, The Color of Magic is where we meet tourist Twoflower and wizard guide Ricewind, and follow them on their always-bizarre journeys. A writer who has been compared to Mark Twain, Kurt Vonnegut, and Douglas Adams, Sir Terry Pratchett has created a complex, yet zany world filled with a host of unforgettable characters who navigate around a profound fantasy universe, complete with its own set of cultures and rules.
Michael Gerber - Barry Trotter and the Unnecessary Sequel
Another successful book by Micheal Gerber? Pigs might fly! If you haven't read BARRY TROTTER AND THE SHAMELESS PARODY don't worry, neither have we. But we have read this one and it's really good.
Henry N. Beard - Douglas C. Kenney - Bored of the Rings
The classic parody of The Lord of the Rings is back! With a brand-new “boreword” by Henry Beard. It’s up to Boggie Frito Bugger and his band of misfits—including inept wizard Goodgulf Grayteeth, halfwit Spam Gangree, twins Moxie and Pepsi, and Arrowroot of Arrowshirt—to carry the Great Ring to Fordor and cast it into the Zazu Pits. Can they avoid death by hickey tree and escape the dread ballhog? Can the fellowship overcome the narcs and Nozdruls hounding their every move and save Lower Middle Earth once and for all? Yes, of course—this isn’t Hamlet, you know.
Tim Manley - Alice in Tumblr-Land And Other Fairy Tales for a New Generation
Disney meets Lena Dunham in this illustrated humor book featuring your favorite fairy-tale characters dating and finding their way in 21st-century America The Ugly Duckling still feels gross compared to everyone else, but now she’s got Instagram, and there’s this one filter that makes her look awesome. Cinderella swaps her glass slippers for Crocs. The Tortoise and the Hare Facebook stalk each other. Goldilocks goes gluten free. And Peter Pan finally has to grow up and get a job, or at least start paying rent. Here are more than one hundred fairy tales, illustrated and re-imagined for today. Instead of fairy godmothers, there’s Siri. And rather than big bad wolves, there are creepy dudes on OkCupid. In our brave new world of social networking, YouTube, and texting, fairy tales can once again lead us to “happily ever after”—and have us laughing all the way.
Malaclypse The Younger - Omar Khayyam Ravenhurst - Principia Discordia
One of the great books of our time, Principia Discordia is the official bible of the most relevant religion ever conceived, Discordianism. This legendary underground classic contains absolutely everything worth knowing about absolutely anything, including The Law of Fives, The Gospel According to Fred, The Five Apostles of Eris and The Book of Uterus. Discordianism is the religion for these screwed-up times, and Principia Discordia reveals it here for your enlightenment, confusion and entertainment.
C. E. Crimmins - Tom O'Leary - The Gay Man's Guide to Heterosexuality
Anthropology comes in many guises, and while many Westerners earlier in the 20th century may have been thrilled to read about the mating habits of the folks of Samoa, we, as a culture, have become somewhat more sophisticated. That is why A Gay Man's Guide to Heterosexuality is a vital and important book. Taking their cue from Thorstein Veblen's classic The Theory of the Leisure Class, which used traditional anthropological methods for examining the lives of the rich and entitled, C.E. Crimmins and Tom O'Leary have put together a guide that explains (for the clueless queer) why straight people act the way they do. From heterosexual food (Cheese Whiz, Pringles, Tang, and Rice-A-Roni) to heterosexual music (Loretta Lynn, Smashing Pumpkins, AC/DC) to heterosexual casual wear (nylon black socks, funny tweed hats, and leather sandals with white socks), the authors explicate how the other 90 percent live. While not all the jokes are laugh-out-loud funny, there are a dozen or so on a page, so you never go long without at least a sustained giggle. Blatantly homo-chauvinistic, A Gay Man's Guide to Heterosexuality uses humor and gay wit to explain how all of us live today. --Michael Bronski
Stefan Petrucha - The Hunger Pains
WINNING MEANS WEALTH, FAME, AND A LIFE OF THERAPY LOSING MEANS DEATH, BUT ALSO FAME! THIS IS THE HUNGER PAINS When Kantkiss Neverclean replaces her sister as a contestant on the Hunger Games—the second-highest-rated reality TV show in Peaceland, behind Extreme Home Makeover—she has no idea what to expect. Having lived her entire life in the telemarketing district’s worst neighborhood, the Crack, Kantkiss feels unprepared to fight to the death while simultaneously winking and looking adorable for the cameras. But when her survival rests on choosing between the dreamy hunk from home, Carol Handsomestein, or the doughy klutz, Pita Malarkey, Kantkiss discovers that the toughest conflicts may not be found on the battlefield but in her own heart . . . which is unfortunately on a battlefield.
Melinda Duchamp - Fifty Shades of Alice in Wonderland
BEYOND 50 SHADES OF GREY... Eighteen-year-old Alice is unhappy. Her boyfriend is nice and polite, but he's also quick and careless in bed, and doesn't give Alice the attention and variety she craves. But he's not entirely to blame, because Alice herself doesn't understand her own needs. She's heard about what sex is supposed to be like, but has never felt anything remotely close to what she's read about in runaway bestselling books. BEYOND 9 1/2 WEEKS... Then Alice follows a vibrating white rabbit down a deep, dark hole, which leads to a place beyond her wildest imagination. There are no nice boys--or girls--down here. Only those who indulge in secret, forbidden, kinky fantasies. BEYOND PRIDE AND PREJUDICE AND ZOMBIES... Alice is confused and frightened and... aroused. She is bound. Teased. Spanked. Toyed. Brought to the limits of sexual endurance. And during her trials, she begins to understand her body's needs for the very first time. BEYOND THUNDERDOME... This isn't the fairy tale you grew up reading. This isn't for children at all. This is for those with dark desires, who wish to explore erotic excess beyond the plain vanilla of everyday life. Follow Alice down the rabbit hole, if you dare... Fifty Shades of Alice in Wonderland is slightly longer than the Lewis Carroll version, roughly 32,000 words or 115 paper pages long. Melinda DuChamp is the pen name of bestselling author who has written over 50 novels, mostly romance.
Lois Lowry - The Willoughbys
“Shouldn’t we be orphans?” one of the Willoughby children suggests. The four are, after all, part of an old-fashioned kind of family, and their parents – well, their parents are not all that one would hope for. So the Willoughbys concoct a diabolical plot to turn themselves into worthy and winsome orphans. Little do they know that Mr. and Mrs. Willoughby have already begun to formulate their own thoroughly despicable plan to rid themselves of their insufferable children…
Mark Twain - Taming the Bicycle
American life comes under the scrutiny of Mark Twain's wit in this delightful collection of short stories. Here, he comments on politics, education, the media, religion, and literature. The true subject of Twain's satire and burlesque is that strangest of all animals, the human being. In his novels, travel narratives, stories, essays, and sketches, Twain exposes such a variety of human foibles that one is left either laughing at the folly of human enterprise, blushing with shame at human behavior, or cursing the gods that would create such a silly animal. Twain does all three, often at the same time.
Jane Austen - Seth Grahame-Smith - Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
"It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains." So begins Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, an expanded edition of the beloved Jane Austen novel featuring all-new scenes of bone-crunching zombie mayhem. As our story opens, a mysterious plague has fallen upon the quiet English village of Meryton—and the dead are returning to life! Feisty heroine Elizabeth Bennet is determined to wipe out the zombie menace, but she's soon distracted by the arrival of the haughty and arrogant Mr. Darcy. What ensues is a delightful comedy of manners with plenty of civilized sparring between the two young lovers—and even more violent sparring on the blood-soaked battlefield as Elizabeth wages war against hordes of flesh-eating undead. Can she vanquish the spawn of Satan? And overcome the social prejudices of the class-conscious landed gentry? Complete with romance, heartbreak, swordfights, cannibalism, and thousands of rotting corpses, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies transforms a masterpiece of world literature into something you'd actually want to read.
Lardyard Hampoon - Fifty Shades Nastier
Frickin' hilarious, yet so vile that BDSM doesn't seem enough letters to describe it. This parody is designed for the most immature of the mature adults out there. Reader discretion is mandatory (but, we still can't figure out how employing your discretion will lead you to such an indescretion as this book).. Unitarian Green and Anastasia (Nasty) Lime take their sexual rollicks to new (and ever more disgusting) licks. But, don't worry, there are still plenty of the flushes, wry smiles, head cockings, finger steeplings, hitches, craps and double craps that you grew so fondly tiresome of in the original (which we can't even call "original" with a straight face since it was basically "Twilight" with perverts standing in for vampires). If you are easily offended (or even uneasily offended), we don't know why the hell you read "Fifty Shades of Grey" in the first place (it is required reading to appreciate this parody...we know, bummer!), but you will most definitely be offended by "Fifty Shades Nastier" if you are: a virgin, from Ithaca, from San Fernando Valley, Catholic, Irish, Irish wannabe, human, borderline decent, Irish, Quaker, over 80 or wealthy. However, chances are likely that you'll be too busy laughing your ass off to care.